hi all, it’s me again. been a while, huh?

i haven’t been writing much on this blog, so i guess i went against my new year resolution a bit. i’ve just been so busy! creating my graphic art poetry has become harder and more time-consuming in tandem with school, my social life, and managing my mental health (for once).

second semester has been a ride, and things have only gone up since the last time i wrote on this blog. truly. i feel more like myself than i have ever felt and i finally feel…happy? content? it’s wild to take a step back and watch my growth over just a few weeks, but i guess it proves that amazing things happen when you surround yourself with the happiness, support, and love you deserve.

i lost a lot of friends this year. and it was hard. i lost people who i thought would stand by me, people i thought were loyal and forever friends turned out to be kind of the opposite. for me, i thought college worked like this: more friends = more memories = happiness!

but i learned that it’s not like that at all.

now, at the end of this year, i have a few very close friends that make me feel happy just by being around them. and on top of that, i made so many new friends and met so many incredible people that make me smile just by walking by them or sitting next to them in class. people i judged and never would’ve approached if i hadn’t stopped pretending to be someone i wasn’t.

i realized that i don’t need a lot of friends, but rather a small circle that makes me feel accepted and a bunch of wonderful people i can hang out with but not spend every waking moment trying to impress. people who love me for me and want to hang out with me for me, not this faux-unauthentic-bland version of myself.

i learned that if people don’t like me as i am, then f*ck them.

and with that, i went through the semester surrounded by people who actually…cared about me? it was something i hadn’t felt since my high school friends (what’s up guys, i miss you), and i honestly didn’t know how to handle it. i thought my roommates (abby and alexa) were bound to be crazy because of how genuinely kind they were. i was scared that my friends, new and old, would eventually turn on me for being myself (they just made fun of me, but in the fun way). i was absolutely terrified that i would end this year friendless, sad, and alone. luckily, i ended up with the exact opposite.

last week, my school transferred to entirely online courses for the remainder of the semester. and with corona outbreaks tearing through southern california, my family and i made the decision to fly me home until next year. which sucks. so so so badly.

my best friends left too, so there was no real reason to drive myself crazy in my apartment like the shining. abby and i packed up our whole apartment in only a few days and had to become adults. and if you know me and abby, you’d know that we’re literal five year olds. we had to figure out storage units, flights, online classes, and how to fit all of our junk into boxes (which is way harder than it sounds). it was stressful as hell, but we still found a way to have fun. we always do that.

now, as i sit at my gate in LAX, decked out in chapman gear and blasting edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros in my headphones, i’m realizing that i’m so beyond thankful for this whirlwind of a school year. and i think that it’s one that i’ll remember for the rest of my life!

i’m so thankful for the sleepless nights because they made me appreciate resting. and i’m thankful for the people who wronged me because they made me realize what i choose to accept and what i deserve. i’m thankful for the heartbreaks and the tears and the loneliness because it only made me grow.

i’m thankful for all of the sadness because it drew me to true happiness.

so, what’s next?

in like, two hours, i’m flying home to pittsburgh for the summer. i’m taking my classes online and will be doing a self-quarantine for two weeks to do my part in stopping the spread of the virus. i’ll be face-timing my friends way too much, just to let them know how much they mean to me, and i’ll be seeing my friends and boyfriend at home and treasuring our last summer together, even if this whole coronavirus thing tries to stop it.

i got a house! i’m moving into it with some amazing girls in august and i cant wait to share that with you all. it’s such a wonderful home and i can’t wait for yet another fresh start.

of course, i’ll be writing. probably a lot more than usual. quarantine and social distancing is about to be pretty lonely, so i’ll be blowing up this blog so i don’t go all “here’s johnny!” on everyone.

i think that’s about it. i’ll keep you updated.

thank you for listening and for being there. stay safe and healthy out there, kids.

xx,
julianna

this post is dedicated to the following people who have truly changed my life whether they know it or not: 

my family, jake loedding, abby haralson, matt rogers, jason james, clarisse guevarra, peter garland, sina crenshaw, brooke michael, sydney masterson, kayleigh zagorski, sombre carlton, sammie foust,  kaila mann, davis dubose-marler, elke janssen, addie bass, jen losch, val gyuant, sarah gindy, hannah dulin, amelie beresford-wood, amanda fuentes, sean levitt, sean mcgrath, van baumann, claire loudis, kealani hudson, deven launchbaugh, alexa wilson, aidan perez, jeremy schiedt, simon weinstein, sammie fitzgerald, audrey lamis, steve oliver, ben pagani, justin bundy, maddie young, madelyn johnson, india thakar, haley wragg, pi beta phi, mckenna bixby, elisabeth marsillo… and so so so many more.